It's Valentine's Day and you know what that means. A third of the world is spending the day showing endless displays of affection to their significant other. Another third of the world is crying over the loss of a beau or an ended relationship. The last third, you might ask? They're focused on either showing love to the platonic relationships that they have in their lives or focusing on how to show a little bit of love to themselves.
I have personally chosen to make this day about myself. Similar to one of the thirds I mentioned above, I spent the weekend celebrating the love I have for my friends and family while launching my new baby: All of The F Words.
I spent a portion of my day reflecting on the Valentine's Day that I had last year. I remember spending the day in a very cliche way; my ex-beau and I indulged in a night out in the city. I remember dining at a Manhattan classic, Patsy's, and enjoying perhaps one of the most delicious spaghetti dinners I'd ever tasted in my life. The rest of the night was filled with cocktails and endless dancing at a club near The WestHouse Hotel. I remember feeling so in love at the time and even more in love with the life that I was living.
Last year I was working, studying and dating in the city of my dreams. This year I'm in Cleveland, Ohio trying to navigate my way through WFH life as I fulfill the role as daughter and sister at my parent's house. I'll admit that I've been lucky enough to spend time with my family in a way that probably wouldn't have happened once I started working and living in New York post-graduation.
I've been forced to look at myself as a 22 year old woman living through a pandemic. I remember the beginning of quarantine feeling so surreal. It seemed like everyone had either acquired a new hobby or disappeared off the face of the earth. I remember feeling a sense of panic. What was I good at? I knew the basics: I'm a hard worker, an excellent student and a good friend. I felt this immense pressure to pick up a skill to show that I was making good use of my time in isolation. At the time, social media felt like a joke. You would see hundreds of people dying on the news on one app and then you would see someone posting quarantine DIY projects on another.
I remember FaceTiming my friends and many of them had no clue as to what they "should" be doing with their free time. It wasn't until a few months later, in August of 2020, that I realized there is no blueprint of what you "should" be doing at your age. Life is about working to live (at least in America) and catching a moment of relaxation whenever you're lucky enough to do so. I remember thinking: "if that's going to be my reality once the world goes back to "normal" then why am I stressing over the only time-period of relaxation I'll ever have until I'm retired?"
I didn't start practicing self-love until I acknowledged that this time period of my life will never happen again. I started watching more TV shows on Netflix. I remember not having enough time in the day to watch even one episode when I balanced school and internship work at the same time. This year, I found the most amazing personal trainer and invested in my health. When I was at school, I was lucky if I got the chance to exercise once or twice a week. Now, I find myself doing facemasks and Tik Tok has become my guilty pleasure. I'm at peace.
For some, loving yourself can be a simple act of retail indulgence. For others, it's the blessing of getting to know who you truly are. I'm lucky enough to say that I've been doing both. I think I finally understand why people always say that you have to love yourself before you love anyone else. I remember having long, hurtful days of waiting for someone to text me back in order to feel a sense of fulfilment. I'm proud to say that I now get my fulfilment from working on my body, personal goals, career and relationships.
I will forever be grateful for the time that I have taken to focus on myself. I feel like I've gained a sense of direction and purpose. Whether it comes to a workplace or having personal relationships, I deserve utmost respect. I deserve the love and care that I put out into the universe to be returned back to me. The act of loving myself has helped me feel whole, and I look forward to navigating life's wonders with this newfound confidence.
F.S x