As an American with a South Asian background and a follower of the Islamic faith, I've been brought up with a variety of cultural and spiritual influences. My childhood was rich with the aspects of my Pakistani ethnicity and the teachings from my parents were rooted in both Islam and South Asian culture. I'm lucky to say that I get to consume some of the most flavorful dishes I'll ever know and that I've danced my heart out to Bollywood songs on multiple occasions. I grew up seeing the world of all the colors of the rainbow and believed that nothing existed beyond my bright and beautiful bubble.
Growing up changed all of that for me. I personally allowed the American public school system to take a large part of my cultural identity away from me, and by the time I was a college student I strangely developed a craving for it within my life again. It is both unnatural and unnerving to go through the wonders of life as a person that feels bonded to nothing. As I entered my twenties, I found myself feeling less connected to my roots and more attached to temporary people and places.
A few years ago, I remember feeling like I was drawn to people who were so deeply invested in their own cultures. I've had Dominican friends that inspired me to listen to Romeo Santos every day and even develop an unknown craving for tostones. I've had Indian-Sikh friends that made me want to blast Miss Pooja and sing along to her songs loudly in my car without abandon while I drive.
After vicariously experiencing these many cultures through my other friends, I couldn't help but feel sad thinking about why I was avoiding my own. Where did my attachment to my own roots go? I can't speak Urdu like a true Pakistani, and I can't even remember the last time that I danced my ass off to a Bollywood song. Thinking about the way that I somehow strayed away from my own culture broke my heart. That realization was enough to stop myself from being such a "culture vulture" and start to becoming more mindful of ways that I could to return to my true roots.
It's so easy for one to blame their elders for not teaching the language, gestures and traditions of a culture that makes you who you are - or at least what you believe you know you are. It's typical to claim that you're essentially uninterested in what your culture has to offer because you simply weren't taught it the way others might've. I've come to find that being immersed within the culture that you're born into is a two-way street. Your elders and family members can only go so far with their teachings, and after a certain while it is truly up to yourself to decide whether or not you will bring those learnings into your present life.
I like to think myself as someone who is lucky enough to have been brought up with the best of both worlds. I'm an American citizen who can throw myself into a mosh pit at a Travis Scott concert one day, and dress up in a pretty lehnga (skirt) and eat goat curry at a family dawat (gathering) the next. Now that's where I can give my parents some serious credit. My upbringing is a rare one, especially for other Pakistani-American kids like me, and it's something that I don't take for granted. I almost feel as if the way that I was raised was beneficial to the experiences and emotions I endure now - I'm at an advantage to be able to crave my culture instead of feeling suffocated by it. There's something so freeing about knowing that you can return to your roots at any given time to appreciate it more than you did before.
Going forward, my goal to become as invested within my own culture as I once was with others. I want to teach myself how to speak the language of my loved ones and learn how to cook the food that nourished my soul. I want to listen to the songs that I've loved as a child and understand the depth of what each word means. I want to watch movies and walk away knowing a new storyline that I didn't even know could exist. I truly believe that if I take the time to learn my Pakistani heritage the way I used to dedicate myself to my studies at school, I'm almost positive that I'll gain a true sense of deep respect for the culture of my ancestors.
F.S x
"Khudi ko kar buland itna sab taqdeer se pehle Khuda bande se khud Pooche ba ta teri raza kya hai."
"Elevate yourself to such a standard that before writing your destiny God himself asks you, "what is it you desire?"
- Alama Iqbal Ahmed